Posts
SIGN ON, YOU CRAZY DIAMOND
Okay, maybe some older voters - some - might be a bit turned off, but everyone south of 60, or a whole lot of them, are going to go nuts. We might have to trim some of the lyrics out - "Shake your paranoia," "Dancing like Madonna"... Actually all you need to loop is the basic hook, and maybe get A440 to tweak the lyrics ever, ever so slightly (my hunch is they would be thrilled to comply).
I see Ted Kennedy at the DNC in Denver preparing the audience for Obama's grand acceptance speech. If his medical condition permits, I see him going into a sort of "whooping up the crowd"-schtick; no podium. No standing still and addressing the crowd in solemn tones. Nothing too theatrical, no shrieking "Are you ready to rock!?' or anything like that, but pacing the stage, getting the audience curious and excited. The lights start to go down, the opening guitar riff of this song starts playing. Kennedy disappears offstage, unnoticed. Maybe some strobe lights, and a little shower of glittering confetti, building up the excitement...
And just as Obama steps out, he's hit with a tight blue spotlight. They're already calling him a rock star, so he can just smile and wave, looking friendly, amused, maybe a little embarrassed at being made such a fuss of. And as he begins walking to the podium (which will have risen silently from beneath the stage, unnoticed when the lights went down), the lyrics kick in:
Stop
Barack
Can't stop Barack
You can't stop
Barack
Can't stop Barack
[REPEAT]
I mean, come on. People loved it when Bill Clinton made his '92 campaign song "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac. Remember that? I was there at the convention that year, and believe me, it was sheer joy on every face. "Happy Days Are Here Again" just didn't get people to open their eyes anymore, but "Don't Stop" said something new was coming, something cool, something people felt excited about. This song would have an even more exciting effect, would make people laugh and pump their fists at the same time, and Fox News, bound by their rigid policy of unfairness and distortion, would have no choice but to spend at least the whole morning doing their King Canute impression: sitting on the beach ordering the tide not to come in. Maybe a tsunami.
Oh; I was also thinking about adapting The Gap Band's "You Dropped a Bomb on Me" (with the new line "You dropped Obama on me"), but I think this one would get the crowd more worked up.
Has anyone thought of any good McCain campaign songs? I've been trying, and finding nothing...
Comments
Holy friggin dwarf testicles -> The Prodigal Z-HAR has returned for a bit of a satirical carpet ride here ->
I like Obama's campaign ideas -> "Let's sit on our bony arse's (unless you're a true american) and watch the world destroy itself"
oh, and back to the dwarf testicles -> any man or woman brave enough to include midgets or dwarves in groin-cloths and helmets sporting viking type horns deserves a chance. Throw the common americans to the wolves, let them run themselves with a fine print at the bottom of the cause, "We will stretch our military all over the planet like the game of risk, watch as Vladimir Putin starts rolling his 'weighted' dice and entering territory we thought we could handle."
It's like Russia, USSR, Ice continent, whatever it is really called, they are a giant wild polar bear who is allergic to the Fu$#$ cold and are angrily ravaging the rest of the planet, while we've pulled the eyes over our own eyes saying we're the strongest country militarily when really we're the equivalent of a grisly who has been raised in captivity and play with our balls while having dead fish fed to us by some girl scout tree hugger in tight khaki shorts, thinking we can handle any adversity but forgetting we've never actually seen what our opponents can really do -> Ever played Mike Tyson's punch Out?? for original nintendo? I have, and we're about to look at eye level and see the crotch of the likes of SodaPopInski or the Sandman or maybe even Tyson himself, and we're just this poor little white teenager who runs behind a fat guy who can't even ride a bike 1 mile downhill, and we think we've been trained ->
How long do you think it's going to take to get our troops mobilized from 30 different countries.
Movie Quote "You want me on that wall, You NEED me on that wall." So you stand around here with your faggoty white uniform on, go to your parades, have marching band practice and we'll call you a soldier.
Do you think the military's of other countries train band members? accountanats? There all friggin ready to jump in a tank and fight in any condition this earth has got to throw at them -> Yeah, I feel safe with either jackass behind the wheel of our country ->
Mccain & Obama have reduced this political race to the dirty backbiting of a 3rd grade dodgeball game, name calling and degrading each other, thinking if they can make the other look REALLY bad compared to themselves, they will win the election. Obviously neither have broken down and told the principal yet and cried themselves to sleep at night as so many kids from my elementary schools did after getting hit in the face with a vapor-trailing red rubber ball thrown by me, the biggest kid in the class, and being made fun of when they had to go clean their own blood up after the game...
-> Let me see who is more qualified, has either stood up and shown their resume of leadership, anything relevant to what is actually going to be expected from the winner of this election?? 1.) yeah, they both know some pretty dirty people willing to print nasty campaign adds 2.) yeah, they both know how to completely ignore a question and make it look like they actually answered it and tricked the reporter to moving on to the next question. 3.) Yeah, they both wear a plastic smile and know when to send their spokesperson for their campaign out and apologize for some of their really outlandishly childish stunts ->
Z-HAR -> great to hear from you bro, is your next post going to be about religion?? Or can you work that battle into your next comment?
YES -> You rock -> flippy tune too.
I watch Fox News.
There. I said it. It's off my chest.
Mind you, I don't watch it when there's an actual news story of any real importance; on those occasions I usually turn to CNN, because of course, strictly speaking, Fox doesn't cover news - they deliver republican propaganda under the guise of journalism. But when there's nothing going on of any particular interest, I like to sit there and just marvel at it all. The hypocrisy, the intellectual dishonesty, the glaring conservative bias they get away with calling "fair and balanced" (surely the most nakedly cynical slogan since "Arbeit Macht Frei"). I drink it in.
I assume, perhaps naively, that none of you disagrees with my analysis. Even the republicans among you. If there were a network of the same sort, proclaiming itself a source of "news" and proselytizing for democrats, I would consider it an embarrassment. There are comedy shows, such as Jon Stewart's or "The Colbert Report," that take a plainly liberal stance, and I quite enjoy them, but comedy - good comedy - I enjoy only because it makes me laugh, at the expense of whatever politics (if any). You can pretend to be objective; you can't pretend to be funny. I'm not aware of any funny conservative comedians. I can think of a handful of hopelessly unfunny conservative comedians, but no funny ones.
In fact, I'm having a hard time thinking of any creative works, in any field, of any real merit, by a conservative. Maybe you could count Disneyland as a creative work... Ayn Rand's novels were unendurable, but her screenplay for The Fountainhead was truly excellent. Johnny Ramone should be counted, although he didn't actually write any of their songs (and quite a few of his privately expressed views would turn most republicans' hair white). Skunk Baxter was one hell of a guitarist, no denying that. Ted Nugent was... No; I can't think of anything actually good by him. Who else? A tiny handful of conservative actors, but I'm not sure I'd call acting "creativity" so much as a skill... Sonny Bono?
But Bill O'Reilly. My God. I mean, how does he get away with it? The easily exposed lies he spouts that no one ever questions, the stomach-churning pretense of moral rectitude, the dissimulation, the self-congratulation, the cloying flattery of his audience... I mean, I have no sympathy for child molestation (could there possibly be an easier target?), but how does Bill O'Reilly, a sexual predator, get away with declaring himself the nation's watchdog against it?
When Scott McClellan's book came out vindicating the beliefs they had so long ridiculed, scarcely a single word was uttered about its contents. That Bush had lied us into a war that has killed thousands, and that Karl Rove (a Fox employee, unsurprisingly) had revealed the identity of a covert CIA operative (punishable by death, under a law signed by Ronald Reagan), went with scarcely any mention. Every word to be heard on Fox was about Scott McClellan, and the question of which two things he could possibly be: a madman or a paid liar.
Fox News is toxic. It profits on fueling ideological hostility and disunion, it fosters ignorance and misinformation, it encourages self-satisfaction among the ignorant, it sanctions dishonesty, and provides a forum for bigots, bullies, cowards and frauds.
So why do I watch it? I don't listen to Madonna records. I don't read Harry Potter books. I don't buy LeRoy Neiman paintings. What is it about Fox News that fascinates me?
Maybe it's just because when it falls - when a tape of Bill O'Reilly sexually harassing an employee finally emerges, when someone catches Rupert Murdoch laughing at the brainlessness he relies on for an audience, when Neil Cavuto is photographed shooting heroin, or whatever it will sooner or later be - my glee will be that much greater.
But if anyone among you actually does consider Fox News "fair and balanced," do please say so; I'd be curious to hear your reasoning.
Comments
I watch Fox News.
Is nothing sacred? I am ascared to read on.
Baby, bring that fight. I'm in your corner Z.
Do yourself a favor and check out Terri Gross's interveiw with Scott. It happened within the last week. I have never been a big fan of his, still he provided me with ammunition when I needed it.
Confirmation of 'Talking Points'. Like none of us knew that Rush was on the payroll.
Another avenue you might want to look down is Chomsky, if you haven't already.
He quotes a fella named Walter Lippmann .
Lippmann was a journalist who laid a good deal of ground work for media manipulation and modern public relations.
"Manufacturing Consent" is the cornerstone.
O'Really is a dick and the 'if it bleeds it leads' mentality of Fox (and just about any semi local news affiliate) plays us for fools.
I am so down on just about all major media. Except NPR.
Wiki actually served up a good quote.
Lippmann called the notion of a public competent to direct public affairs a "false ideal." He compared the political savvy of an average man to a theater-goer walking into a play in the middle of the third act and leaving before the last curtain.
Who knew?
Here's the thing ( and thanks for the excellent post,Z), there isn't a whole lot of news at Fox..It's almost all opinion. One thing I like about their opinion shows is that they tend to bring on the Most liberal guests. Tenured college profs from the left who can actually say radical things..Of course they get shouted down, but they do get to say radical things. Fox likes it that way, but you'd never see Cornell West on CNN.
When in comes to analysis, punditry has become ridiculous..Folks just say whatever the fuck the want. A world full of content must be created, every earthshaking event must be analyzed for long term effects instantly.
Bleeding (with the proximity to the US vs. amount of blood ratio in proper order-ie a natural disaster out of the US with 1000 dead easily trumped by 1 dead white wife), analysis, celebrity, or salaciousness always leads on the majors.Mr. McClellan just confirmed what we already knew. We get lied to all the time. That dude is a slimy motherfucker. Speaking up now after countless thousands are dead. I bet if his publisher doesn't send his royalty check on time we'll hear about that right away.
MOGs That Trust Me (8 of 60)
MOG Meter
Comments
done. beautiful
Wow! I'm so glad you liked it, david! I was going to take it to AOL next... ; )
thank god i caught it before that. : )
btw, i found your post in the most random way. i used the google blog search tool to see what coverage we got today on our announcements. (you see them?) - your post was in the mog search results with tagline in google results excerpt. clearly, was meant to be.