Hello there, Moggies!
On this week's Home Taping, I review the latest effort from the Brothers Gallagher and their hired help with The Girlfriend The Missus.
Be warned, however, that this review is even more unprofessional than the last one. It starts with a mealy-mouthed apology on behalf of the Irish nation for the recent attack on Noel by a mad Paddy, features more swearing and shouting than necessary, and contains a truly offensive impression of Peggy Gallagher, the boys' mother.
In fact, if I was you, I'd carry straight on to the next post, which probably has some interesting content about Sarah Palin or something.
Still here? Fair enough, don't blame me. The vid is best viewed in Firefox and can also be reached at our Home Taping channel. For people who work for Hitler & Co. and aren't allowed access the vid, there's a transcript below.
'Tis on your own heads, people....
Flux
Our Review of Oasis' Dig Out Your Soul from CJ Scuffins on Vimeo
Video Transcript:
(Title card: Oasis - Dig Out Your Soul)
Colin: First of all I think we should apologize on behalf of the Irish nation-- (Jill mimics Liam Gallagher's walk) --for the gobshite in Canada [who tried to push Noel off the stage].
Jill: Fair play to him for pushing him off!
(C winces.)
J: Do you know now that Hattie Something Or Other, some boxer, said that "If anybody touches Noel Gallagher or Liam Gallagher I'll kill them, I'll batter them".
C: I'm pretty sure the boxer's name wasn't Hattie.
J: [laughs] I don't know what his name is--
C: You're probably thinking of [Ricky] Hatton.
J: That's him.
C: You don't fucking attack someone by pushing them from behind!
J: What? Hold on--
C: You stab them from the front!
(Title card: Bag It Up)
C: It's a drug reference.
J: Yeah. (Dismissively) How old is he?
(Title Card: The Turning)
(C nods along to the piano riff, while J swivels her wrists in a 50s stylee.)
C: Okay, that song's called The Turning.
J: I know. It's turning my fucking stomach.
C: Can I just ask, did you actually listen to this album?
J: Yeah, I did. In my car.
C: How many times?
J: Twice.
C: Is that enough for a professional opinion?
J: Yeah, it is, because normally I know after three seconds.
(Title card: Waiting For The Rapture)
J: That was the song that I liked.
C: Was it?
J: Yeah, it was the song that I liked. I liked that--
C: Waiting For The Rapture?
J: Do you know why I liked it? It's because Noel is singing and he has a nicer voice, it's a stronger voice, but at the same time he has changed his voice. He's used different tones in his voice to sing. He's doing this (high pitched squeak) 'Aaaaaah'. Like that. And then he's going "Whooo-haa!"--
C: A falsetto?
J: Yeah. All of those other things with his voice, while Whiney Hole hasn't broken his voice at all--
C: Whiney Hole? As in Liam?
J:Yeah. And I like the guitar thing! (Grits teeth and shakes fists.) Yeah, it's a bit marchy, like do you know: (mimes marching). But you know it's--
C: You're using all these technical terms, these insider terms that I wouldn't be aware of--
J: Yeah.
(Title card: The Shock Of Lightening)
J: (Mimicking Liam's singing) 'Love is a time machine-naaa!/Up on a silver screen-naaa!/In my ice-cream-maaaaa!'
C: You don't like it?
J: No.
C: Am I correct in that assumption?
J: Yeah.
C: Do you think their Mam gets the album and then has to lie to them about how good it is? (In Oirish accent) "Oh, you're very good, Liam."
J: No.
C: "That's a very good voice you have dere."
J: No.
C: "Oh, begorrah, Noel, you're very good." Yeah, do you think she feels proud or is she's just like, "Aw, Liam, this is shite", "Liam you're fucking awful", "You're terrible, Liam."
J: She's Irish, she doesn't talk like that.
C: "Dis is an Oirish accent I'm doin'." (Mimicking Liam's Manchester accent) "But I'm doing it for you, Mam!" (As mother) "No, you're making a fucking show of me."
(Title card: I'm Outta Time (Get Off Your)
C: This is a song called I'm Outta Time (Get Off Your), and it's Liam's fifteenth tribute to John Lennon. (Rubs face in exasperation.) It's done in the style of Imagine, as all his songs are done in. I like the first song he ever wrote which was about [the] son that he had with the actress Patsy Kensit. I think it was called, The Son I Had With The Actress Patsy Kensit. Liam is very literal.
(Title card: High Horse Lady)
C: The next one is called High Horse Lady and it's fucking shite.
J: (laughs)
(C plays opening couple of lines with Noel singing, 'Get off your high horse lady/I don't need a ride tonight')
C: Noel sang that in, cut it there, and then looped it for the next ten minutes.
J: (As Yoko) 'Number 9, Number 9, Number 9'.
C: That's more interesting. That's a better lyric.
(Title card: Falling Down)
C: The one thing about the lyrics is that this is another Noel song where he's talking to God and God doesn't answer him back. This is on all the albums. I think he should just give up, put the God Phone down, and you know—He's a bit spiritually naïve, Noel is. Everybody knows that all you have to do is shake a flower over your head and God will appear.
(Title card: To Be Where There's Life)
(Eastern guitar music plays. J pulls a face. C stops it.)
C: That's enough of that.
J: (Horrified) No, no.
(Title card: Ain't Got Nothing)
(Screeching guitar music plays. J and C pull extremely pained faces.)
(Title Card: The Verdict…)
C: Before I put this album on I was feeling quite happy and everything—
J: Are you a bit depressed now?
C: This album has just kind of—
J: Depressed you?
C: Depressed me.
C: There's very little to get your teeth into with these songs.
J: No.
C: There's nothing to—You know, once you've exhausted all the swear words in your vocabulary, there's not a lot more to say.
J: They're just getting by. It's just (deflated sound) "Meeah." It's just (another deflated sound) "Neeah." Just like that. It's not anything (high-pitched whistle). It's just "Meeah."
(Title Card: Peggy Gallagher's Verdict…)
C: (Oirish accent) "Liam, give up. Please."
...
Oasis - Dig Out Your Soul (out now)
1. "Bag It Up" (N. Gallagher)
2. "The Turning" (N. Gallagher)
3. "Waiting for the Rapture" (N. Gallagher)
4. "The Shock of the Lightning" (N. Gallagher)
5. "I'm Outta Time" (Liam Gallagher)
6. "(Get Off Your) High Horse Lady" (N. Gallagher)
7. "Falling Down" (N. Gallagher)
8. "To Be Where There's Life" (Gem Archer)
9. "Ain't Got Nothin'" (L. Gallagher)
10."The Nature of Reality" (Andy Bell)
11."Soldier On" (L. Gallagher)
My Trusted MOGs
That was fantastic :)
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Well, that's not exactly a ringing endorsement now is it? Wonder if they'll use this in the advertising copy?
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Hysterical, just hysterical.
Couldn't agree with Jill more about Waiting For The Rapture, and with you about Get Off Your High Horse Lady.
"Whiney Hole" HAHAHAHHA
Not very pleased, are ya :) I thought it was better than the last, but not astonishing by any means.
Cheers!
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@ GP - Have you been drinking, young lady?! ... (Thnx!)
@ Dale - Hehe. I just hope they don't send Ricky Hatton after us.
@ Anna - Yep, Lady Capacitor comes out with some whopping phrases (and whistle noises) all right. Re the album, Noel was my idol when I was younger so I take it all very personally. Although I agree that it's better than the last one, particularly Noel's songs. Not a fan of the rest of 'em, really. I think "Not astonishing by any means" should be on the record shop posters. ;)
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The Missus is the only one to be trusted, she has a pure soul. She's not Lady Capacitor! You are Mr. Jill hahahhaha
{cut me some slack, I'm getting over a cold}
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Don't I know it. Allow me my internet fantasy!
{Gesundheit}
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Great fun .. "Dad-rock" thunders on ( i always interpreted that as:-Weller is their,Dad-rock)
..check out more good stuff on the home taping link to Vimeo...
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Thanks, Chris. He's certainly an influence/to blame. I think new song The Turning has a very Weller-esque piano riff.
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Oh my, I could not stop laughing...your reviews have been sorely missed Mr. Capacitor! Your imitation of Mrs. Gallagher was priceless.
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"May de road rise withcha dere, me little darlin' Jules"
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Good to see she has made an honest woman of you Fluxy.
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I loved her ending with the "meh" and the whistles...
This was really nice to see your interactions...thanks.
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The one thing about the lyrics is that this is another Noel song where he's talking to God and God doesn't answer him back. This is on all the albums. I think he should just give up, put the God Phone down, and you know—He's a bit spiritually naïve, Noel is. Everybody knows that all you have to do is shake a flower over your head and God will appear.
Man, is the Mrs. Girlfriend ever showing her comfort in front of the web cam! Watch out, and don't get stepped on her way up! Hysterical!
Another favorite (or favourite, for yer sake):
This is a song called I'm Outta Time (Get Off Your), and it's Liam's fifteenth tribute to John Lennon. (Rubs face in exasperation.) It's done in the style of Imagine, as all his songs are done in. I like the first song he ever wrote which was about [the] son that he had with the actress Patsy Kensit. I think it was called, The Son I Had With The Actress Patsy Kensit. Liam is very literal.
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She has indeed! And it's whistles all the way on that score! Thanx, Annie. ;)
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@ Tyler - Oh, yeah, she's a natural. It's Sonny and Cher all over again. And boy do I spout an awful lot of nonsense under the guise of doing "a review". (Although I'm adamant about the flower thing.)
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I could listen to her say the word "guitar" over and over again.
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Oh, and American moggers might be interested to see that Ireland's newspaper of record has succumbed to the Palin effect.
From my blog today:
The Irish Times Gets A Part-Time Job As A Genealogy Researcher
Times are hard, we're all a bit strapped for cash, so much so that even the great and good are feeling the pinch.
Therefore it's entirely understandable that The Irish Times has got itself a part-time job. Along with reporting the news, the Times will now look up family trees. On Friday (3rd Oct) it gave over half its front page to publishing the results of their search for the Irish ancestors of Sarah Palin, the would-be VP of the United States Of America.
It turns out that Ms Palin "could" be able to trace her roots to Co Roscommon, because the Times "believes" that her "great-great-great grandfather may have crossed the Atlantic in 1844".
The outcome no doubt made Irish Times readers feel proud as punch. Imagine hailing from the same country that the family of an Alaskan politician "could" have come from.
Having said that, I can't help but wonder if the Times is not a tad lucky that there were absolutely no Irish stories worthy of a half page in the newspaper of record that day. If it wasn't the case, they'd be faced with hoardes of readers throwing their eyes to heaven on reading the story and shouting, "SO FUCKING WHAT?!"
But, as I say, lucky for them.
Full Disclosure: I was just reading this rag for the Noel Gallagher interview. Honest.
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@ Tyler - Indeed. Who couldn't?
(you nutter!)
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...and she is related to Princess Di as well!
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Oh sure Niell, and Anna's my twin sister.
Wait a sec ... ;)
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Really funny review, pull a face, pull a face! Maybe review the next album using only the art of mime..
Title; Pull a face!
Title; Pull a face!
Brilliant!
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Princess Di? Say it ain't so, Joe!
Yes, mime would be a great idea. 11 second reviews. Think of the server costs we'd save Vimeo. As Billy Crystal said in This Is Spinal Tap, "Mime is money." Indeed.
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Great stuff. There are too many awesome parts on this to just pick one. I think you nailed it this time with the editing. Keep em coming.
And thanks for the pointer on on the flare thing. I will stop and pick a few up on the way home from work.
...and poor Robert and his sick fascination with talking to Mrs Robert on the phone while in the toilet. ...Dude needs to be beaten.
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Thanks, Mike. Editing is my favorite activity in the world, well apart from the obvious (drinking, that is). You had a look at the other nonsense, too, did you? Fair play. Yeah, toilet talkers deserve a swirly!
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Your editing is really hillarious this time around. It also helps that you are both hillarious. Not to forget that you two totally live up to the rumors i've heard of crazy Irish drunks. ;)
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Thank goddess you included the transcript, since I had a hard time understanding quite a bit of what you two were babbling about w/those luscious accents, lol! But I must say I loved seeing your facial expressions & your interactions which brought it to a different level.
This is a hysterical bit here: 'C: This is a song called I'm Outta Time (Get Off Your), and it's Liam's fifteenth tribute to John Lennon. (Rubs face in exasperation.) It's done in the style of Imagine, as all his songs are done in. I like the first song he ever wrote which was about [the] son that he had with the actress Patsy Kensit. I think it was called, The Son I Had With The Actress Patsy Kensit. Liam is very literal.'
'C: (Oirish accent) "Liam, give up. Please."' I couldn't agree more. Where the fuck is Blur when you need 'em?!
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Hope you saw and had a great laugh at Paul Morley's NewsNight review of "Dig..."..several food references (from Germaine Greer) were topped off with Paul's assertion that Oasis are now the "Branston pickle of Brit Rock"..fantastic!
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you had me LOLing over this one...
C: The one thing about the lyrics is that this is another Noel song where he's talking to God and God doesn't answer him back. This is on all the albums. I think he should just give up, put the God Phone down, and you know—He's a bit spiritually naïve, Noel is. Everybody knows that all you have to do is shake a flower over your head and God will appear.
but actions speak louder than words, and now i know it's a lot more hysterical than when we "read" about it. i guess it's time for VOG! (um, video blog...)
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@ A1: What part of "dat's fuckin' shi'" don't you understand?! Hehe. Thought Peggy was a bit harsh, myself!
@ Christ(heskins) - Thanks for that, I'll see if I can find the clip online. I like Morley's reviews.
@ Ilay - Yes, we can shout "VOG sake!" at the music. Or not. And thanks for LOLing and all, but I'm serious: Get a flower and try it!
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hilarity! funny also that such a lackluster release can still produce a great review. is that a contradiction? that the review outshines the work?
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I dunno, I think the reviews work best when we disagree or when there's something in the music to really waffle about. Not the case here, so we had to come up with a lot of nonsense to fill time!
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And fill it you did w/plenty of nonsense(to our benefit), hehe!
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Great stuff. You should have your own site and have a go at getting paid for doing these. :)
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Sam, you are now our agent. Venture forth and get us the best deal possible!
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Just now saw this.
I'll get right on it. You get 10%. ;)